Proximity isn’t Presence
My husband says it…
Sitting on the same sofa isn’t the same as spending time with your spouse. When his person is buried in their phone (that would be me), my husband feels ignored and unimportant. It’s his biggest pet peeve when people are lost in the virtual world instead of living real life. He’s bored by any conversation that begins, “Oh, I saw this thing on the internet…” but loves to talk about what you saw with your own eyes.
Kids say it…
Living in the same home isn’t the same as parenting your child. Nearly 70% of parents confess that they spend over seven hours a day staring at a screen. A new word had to be invented for snubbing people with your phone: it’s called phubbing. Phubbing hurts our kids who feel lonely, rejected, or depressed when they’re ignored.
Neighbors say it…
Driving down the same street isn’t the same as loving your neighbor. Your neighbors young and old are connected digitally (96% and 75%, respectively), but over 60% of American adults feel disconnected socially. Living near Christians who are commanded to love them apparently doesn’t make much of a difference.
Today, we tweet instead of talk, we communicate in code using our thumbs. We try to be “friends” without being friendly. Online interactions are no substitute for real-life conversations. Social networks are a symptom of our need for relationships; they are not the solution.
The solution is found smack dab in the middle of your neighborhood—the original social network—a convenient, comfortable, and non-threatening place to move from virtual friendships to real relationships. What would happen if we used our knuckles instead of our thumbs to communicate by knocking on our neighbors’ doors?
Jesus said it.
Practicing religious rites and rituals isn’t the same as a relationship with God. Jesus told a story about people who thought they were on the narrow path toward knowing him, but were far from him in their hearts.
“Then you will say, ‘We ate and drank in your presence, and you taught in our streets.’
“But he will say, ‘I tell you, I don’t know you or where you’re from. Get away from me, all you evildoers! ‘ – Luke 13:26-27 CSB
Proximity isn’t presence.
Being in the same room, living in the same home, driving down the same streets, and going through the same motions doesn’t create close relationships. We can’t have presence without proximity, but we can’t mistake mere physical nearness for real relational intimacy.
How can we truly know, love, see, and care for the people around us?
Rule of Life
Turns out, some of the same ways we draw close to God can also help us draw near to the people we love. Spiritual disciplines are “practices of Jesus” that help us become more like him in all aspects of our life. See how these frameworks from Bridgetown Church can be expanded into other relationships:
Prayer
With God: A community of communion with God in a culture of distraction and escapism through the practice of Prayer.
With others: Give the gift of your undivided attention and listen well in two-way conversation.
Scripture
With God: A community of courageous fidelity to orthodoxy in a culture of ideological compromise through the practice of Scripture.
With others: Use Scripture to establish your values, morals, and ethics. Let God’s Word be your guide to handling life situations.
Solitude
With God: A community of peace and quiet in a culture of anxiety and noise through the practice of Solitude.
With others: Create time and space without noise and distraction where you can pause the hurried world and hear the still, small voice of God.
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Fasting
With God: A community of holiness in a culture of indulgence and immorality through the practice of Fasting.
With others: Examine ways you’ve over-indulged in culturally accepted norms, and what God might ask you to set aside for his name’s sake.
Sabbath
With God: A community of rest and celebration in a culture of hurry and exhaustion through the practice of Sabbath.
With others: Plan simple times of close connection, worship, fun, and play together.
Community
With God: A community of love and depth in a culture of individualism and superficiality through the practice of Community.
With others: Be with people intentionally, not incidentally, developing friendships beyond acquaintances.
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Generosity
With God: A community of contentment in a culture of consumerism through the practice of Generosity.
With others: Identify others’ needs and use your own resources to sacrificially meet them.
Witness
With God: A community of hospitality in a culture of hostility through the practice of Witness.
With others: Use Scripture to establish your values, morals, and ethics. Let God’s Word be your guide to handling life situations.
Service
With God: A community of justice, mercy, and reconciliation in a culture of injustice and division through the practice of Service.
With others: Look for ways to make right what’s gone wrong in the world, and live at peace with everyone as best you can.
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