overwhelmed-coverWith their typical generosity, my friends Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory are giving away a copy of their newest book, Overwhelmed: Quiet the Chaos & Restore Your Sanitywhich just came out this week. If you’d like to get off the overwhelming cycle of making and breaking resolutions and create a gentle plan for lasting life change, this book is for you. (Apparently a lot of us are feeling a little Overwhelmed these days, since the book is currently sold out on Amazon!)

Scroll down for details and make sure you enter to win. They’re sharing tips on how to love your neighbor without being overwhelmed, and they’ve got a free gift for every reader at the end of this great guest post.

Giveaway!

Kathi and Cheri would like to send a copy of Overwhelmed: Quiet the Chaos & Restore Your Sanity to one of our readers! To qualify for the drawing, you need to do TWO things:

  1. LEAVE A COMMENT below.
  2. SHARE THIS POST on social media.

That’s it! Once you do both, your name will be entered into the random drawing. Be sure to tell your friends so they can sign up, too. The drawing will take place on Friday, January 6, so don’t delay! {Contest is limited to US & Canadian readers only.}

How to Love Your Neighbor Without Being Overwhelmed

Guest post by Cheri Gregory

 

I thought I knew the “right” answers when I posed this question on Facebook:

“Which of the following do you most want to hear or receive for from someone close to you when you’re feeling overwhelmed by pain, fear, and/or anxiety?

  1. You’re going to be okay.
  2. It will all work out. It always does.
  3. I’m right here with you. You’re not alone.
  4. Me, too. I get it.
  5. The Lord will provide. He always has.
  6. Tell me more. I’ll listen as long as you need.
  7. You don’t have to say a word. I can handle the silence.
  8. Here’s enough food for an army.
  9. What can I do? I’ll start with the laundry.
  10. Physical touch (a hand squeeze, hug, shoulder/neck rub, etc.)
  11. Other?

I was confident that I knew which items on this list to never ever say (or do), and which to always say (and do).

Until I read the answers to my Facebook post.

To my astonishment, the very words and actions that would leave me in tears were exactly the words some women most want to hear.

So much for knowing the “right” answer!

 

3 Truths About Loving Our Neighbor

 

My longing for right answers stems from a generous motive: I want to love my neighbor. But I worry about how to love them well, especially in the midst of their mess.

My little Facebook survey made me aware of three important truths about loving our neighbor:

  1. The messy parts of life don’t come with one-size-fits-all (i.e. “right”) answers.
  2. Each person has individual needs and preferences.
  3. There’s no way to automatically know what our neighbors need.

So how are we supposed to know what to say (or do) when a neighbor is overwhelmed by pain, fear, and/or anxiety?

 

Ask.

 

(Which is hard, if you’re someone who loves knowing the “right” answers. And doubly hard if you believe you should automatically know them.)

What to Ask Before a Crisis Hits

The best time to ask how you can support a neighbor in crisis is before help is needed. I’m learning to conversationally share a piece of my own story, about a time when I felt overwhelmed by pain, fear, and/or anxiety.

Let’s be clear: I’m not suggesting you lead with your own story while a neighbor is in the midst of a crisis. When they’re in the midst of a mess, nobody wants to hear, “I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me when…” no matter how well-meaning. Keep your eyes and ears open for a non-crisis setting when you can be the one to lead with vulnerability. Then you can naturally segue from your story to a curious question, such as:

  • When you’ve just received upsetting news, do you prefer to be with people or take time alone?
  • When you’re grieving, do you like having someone to talk it through with you or sit in silence with you?
  • When you’re anxious about something, are you more likely to turn to a punching bag or painting?
  • When you’re going through a hard time, would you prefer a friend to quote scriptures or simply pray with you?
  • When you’re in the middle of a crisis, do you want someone to offer advice or just listen to you?

 

After you ask, listen.

 

As appropriate, ask clarifying questions, such as

  • Tell me more.
  • What would that look like for you?
  • How would that help?

 

Then, listen some more.

 

The Present Value of Listening for the Future

Intentionally preparing to love your neighbors in the midst of their messes is actually a way of loving them in the here-and-now.

Asking what works and doesn’t work for them is a genuine expression of interest and caring.

As you listen, you establish yourself as a safe person who won’t try to slap on the “right” answer when the crisis comes.

And there’s one priceless equalizing gift you give when you listen like this:

Your neighbors learn how to love you in the midst of your messes, too.

About Overwhelmed – and a free gift!

Feeling overwhelmed? Wondering if it’s possible to move from “out of my mind” to “in control” when you’ve got too many projects on your plate and too much mess in your relationships?

Kathi and Cheri want to show you five surprising reasons why you become stressed, why social media solutions don’t often work, and how you can finally create a plan that works for you. As you identify your underlying hurts, uncover hope, and embrace practical healing, you’ll understand how to…

  • trade the to-do list that controls you for a calendar that allows space in your life
  • decide whose feedback to forget and whose input to invite
  • replace fear of the future with peace in the present

You can simplify and savor your life—guilt free! Clutter, tasks, and relationships may overwhelm you now, but God can help you overcome with grace.

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions (that will only last for a week), how about creating a Personal manifesto that will carry you through the rest of your life?

Sign up for great ideas and resources about how to get out from Overwhelmed and you will receive “How to Write Your Personal Manifesto” as their gift to you. 

About the Authors

Cheri Gregory spends her weekdays teaching teens and weekends speaking at women’s retreats. She’s been married to her college sweetheart, Daniel, for more than 28 years. The Gregorys and their young adult kids, Annemarie and Jonathon, live in California.
Visit Cheri’s website to learn more.

Kathi Lipp is a busy conference and retreat speaker and the bestselling author of several books, including Clutter Free, The Husband Project, and The Get Yourself Organized Project. She and her husband, Roger, live in California and are the parents of four young adults.
Visit Kathi’s website to learn more.

6 Comments

  1. Janet Alboszta

    Overwhelmed, yet hopeful for CHANGE! 🙂

    Reply
    • Donna

      I have been overwhelmed lately, but I know that God is sovereign. This
      looks like a great book to help with some of these struggles. Thank you for writing for such a time as this.

      Reply
  2. Melody

    Oh this book sounds great! And what great advice you give to us on listening to our neighbors with the future in mind. Great stuff here Amy – as always! Just read the husband project last year by Kathi Lipp and loved her. I would love to read this book.

    Reply
  3. Vicky Caldwell

    Changing from the inside out for 2017!
    Letting go of things that bring undo stress into my life. Learning to evaluate the things that overwhelm me…. stealing the JOY God has for me.

    Whether I win or not, this book will be on my list of “Must read”

    Thank you

    Reply
  4. Katie Bulmer

    Ohhhh what a perfect subject to write on. Thank you for this!

    Reply
    • Amy Lively

      Congratulations, Katie – you have won a copy of Overwhelmed: Quiet the Chaos & Restore Your Sanity by Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory! Please send your shipping address to amy@howtoloveyourneighbor.com. I know you’ll be blessed by this book!

      Reply

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